October 23rd.

This year the day came and went.

It wasn't that I was too busy, or that I had forgotten, or wasn't thinking, because actually, all I was doing that day was thinking.

I didn't write my tribute, which I've done for the past two years.

My Papaw loved me. He may not have always agreed with every decision I made in life, but he never EVER made me feel bad about any decision I made for myself.

He stood beside me through everything, and backed me up no matter what.

He went to bat for me more times than I can even speak of.

Never raised a hand to me, never raised his voice.

When my Papaw told me he was proud of me, which was often, I actually believed it. I could tell he meant it, and that it wasn't just something he was saying. When he told me that he knew I had done my personal best, I could feel that his words were real .. and that .. that was the greatest.

If I made a mistake, he never made me feel terrible about it. He helped me try and try again if at first I didn't succeed.

There was never, EVER a doubt in my mind that he loved me. He let me know that all the time.

When we both got computers, we talked every day. He loved to sit and talk with me until he was so sleepy he could hardly talk or type any more. When he didn't feel like typing, we would use our microphones. If we weren't able to talk on a certain day, we would email all day long.

He emailed me just hours before he passed away. We talked about a leather jacket.

How I wish so bad that I could talk to him again just one more time. It wouldn't be about a goddamn leather jacket, that's for sure.

I miss him terribly. There were days after he passed away that I just wasn't sure why I was still functioning in this sometimes miserable world while he was gone. It didn't seem fair that such a great person was taken away. In another way, it didn't seem fair that he was gone from my life so soon, and I had no idea how I was going to make it through without my "best buddy."

But, I kept on breathing. I kept on waking up in the mornings, going to sleep at night, and trying my best to hang on to every memory I could of him.

It's been 2 years, and to my surprise the days have gotten a little easier, but there are still some rough ones where I just wish I could tell him some things. I wish he could see sometimes what life is like now. He always had solutions to any problem. He was a rock and could handle anything in the world. Difficult people were no issue for him. Difficult situations weren't either.

He was just .. perfect.

So, almost exactly a year after my Papaw passed away, I fell in love with Paul.

He may have no idea exactly how much he helped me with the grief, even before we were a couple. But he did .. he made me smile even on the days where I felt like the whole world could go to hell for all I cared.

And it wasn't long before I noticed how Paul loved me. How he stood by me, backed me up no matter what, and went to bat for me many times.

Never raised a hand to me, never raised his voice.

He tells me he's proud of me .. and I can tell he means it.

I never have to guess if he loves me or not, because he tells me and shows me all the time.

We may be apart right now, but he will sit and talk to me every day (night for him, with the time difference) ... until his eyes are heavy with sleep.

If we can't talk on a certain day, we email. All day long.

And now I have a new "best buddy," who just happens to also be someone I'm so crazy about and love so much.

And although I miss him when we are apart .. it's just comforting to know that this best buddy is not one I have to miss forever. This best buddy I can love with all my heart and spend the rest of my life with.

He's always there for me .. he never lets me down. When there's a difficult person or situation I run into, he helps me through it. He does so much ..

He is just ... perfect.

Once I thought my life would never be complete again .. and now, it's so complete I can barely fathom it sometimes.

Happy Anniversary again Paulie, I love you ...

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*disclaimer* I rarely write personal stuff, but this had been on my mind for a while.

We will now return to our regularly scheduled postings about random stuff.

Your little peek into my big world has now concluded.